Quasi-Arbitrary Death Clock Generator

Before my pilot product, Mail-Order Seed Potato Death Clock, goes live on April 23rd, I will need a way to rapidly generate death clocks (dates on which I ask customers to believe that they will die). In order the protect the privacy of disInc. customers, I don’t want to base the death clocks on extensive personal information; the premise of the death clock, after all, is intended to adhere to the speculative logic of late capitalism (ie, one may or may not die on the given date, but it is the leveraging of belief in the future that matters).

Therefore, I would like to generate an ‘algorithm’ that will spit out death clocks with the push of a button; I intend to publish the details of this algorithm openly to avoid any suggestion of obfuscation. It will likely be derived from some statistical analysis of current national age and life expectancy, which is by no means an accurate determinant of a given corpse’s particular circumstances, but should serve for the purposes of addressing the indoctrinated capitalist’s speculative logic systems.

I will consult with the experts and report my findings.